Warning! Warning! We now have a young lady in her mid-tweens in the house! Our oldest “baby girl” is certainly a little girl no more. Our formerly-known-as-Miss-10 recently celebrated her 11th birthday. Yay! Happy Birthday amazing, gorgeous girl! (I know you’ll be reading this 😉).
Birthday celebrations mean birthday party planning, right?!? And boy, did she have plans. A gaggle of girlfriends stayed over to dance, chatter, play games and feast on popcorn while watching a DVD. Apparently they even managed to find time for some shut-eye.
Apart from her big birthday party though, she had one other grand plan occupying her thoughts every waking moment: a mobile phone.
Mobile phone, cell phone, Handy, expensive-addictive-glowing-screen-attention-sucking-vampire. Call it what you want. But that gadget was front and centre on her birthday wish list and she was darned certain she was going to get one. From us. Her parents. Her caregivers. Her guardians. The logical left-brain to her own excitable right-brain.
But what to do? The idea of giving her her own mobile phone had me feeling incredibly nervous and concerned and a thousand other emotions that all together made me feel, well, uncertain and a little uncomfortable.
I mean, how are we supposed to know whether now is the right time to give her a phone? How does anyone know when “the right time” is? Read on!
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The Mobile Phone Question
I know this is a highly loaded conversation topic amongst fellow parents. It seems every time we bump into her friends’ parents at some gathering it comes up. The big question: “Does your kid have their own phone yet?”
Yet.
As though if she didn’t, she was somehow falling behind. Nobody asks whether our 5 year old has a phone. Because most people (correctly) assume that he has no actual need for one and that too much screen time for such a young, developing brain is unhealthy.
Our tween on the other hand, has been asking us for more than a year now, in increasing frequency and desperation. And until now we parents have been in agreeance, to disoblige her. As her birthday was approaching, and the astounding number of her classmates who have phones, we started softening our stance.
Our daughter has just started high school, which here in Germany is only 5th grade and the children are all 10 and 11 years old. We were blown away to learn that almost of the kids in her class already had a smartphone before starting high school this year. Not only that, but that even back in 4th grade the kids who had phones already had their own WhatsApp messaging chat group!
Miss 11 hadn’t spoken about any explicit peer pressure from her others to also own a mobile phone. But that fancy, shiny thing with a screen in the hands of her friends sure looked appealing!
What’s the Worry About Children and Mobile Phones?
I, for one, don’t want to bow to any peer pressure, especially over the purchase of something that is such a massive investment. Not only an investment of cash, but also in our daughter’s development.
Would she become addicted to digitally chatting with her friends rather than going out and spending time with real, walking and talking human beings? What about playing games late into the night? Would the lighting from the screen affect her eyesight? And sleep rhythms? And brain development? Would she become moody if we tried to place restrictions on the phone’s use? (Oh wait, she’s about to become a teenager anyway 😉). Oh my!
Search online or speak to any expert in the field of child development: all signs point to delaying your child having a mobile phone and tightly controlling it’s use. Heck, even Bill Gates refused to allow any of his children to have a mobile phone before they were 14! Did you get that?!? Fourteen!!
Excessive use of small techno gadgets can be unfavourable or even detrimental (for anyone, not just young developing brains). Mood disorders like depression and anxiety. Problems with motor skills (you’ve probably seen those sad-but-true videos online of cute toddlers trying to swipe to the next page of a real life paper book). Carpal tunnel syndrome. Obsessive use that could be classified as an addiction (like the kids who proudly pronounce they played some game for 5 hours straight). Sleep patterns disturbed. And they are just some examples.
I’ve also heard plenty of horror stories from friends whose children already have mobile phones. Credit repeatedly running out 2 weeks into a new month. The screen being smashed within a month of receiving the phone. Lost phones…
Seriously, pulse racing around about now! Like I said, there sure is a lot to think of when considering whether to invest in a mobile phone for your child. And that’s not even taking into consideration online bullying, the ready access to child-inappropriate content and images, the lure of social media. (Did you know the minimum age for an account with Facebook, Twitter and Instagram is actually 13 years? I know a LOT of kids who are on these platforms way before 13.)
Having said all that, I know that I myself would be unhappy if I suddenly couldn’t own a mobile phone anymore. And despite all the seeming doom and gloom above, there are rational ways to think about whether your child should have their own too.
I am not trying here to advocate for or against you buying your child a phone. And certainly not trying to provide you with a magic number for the “right age” to do that. We all know, there is no one-size-fits-all “right age”.
But, by investing some time (rather than just the credit card 😉) in this matter, you can address any concerns and rules with your child (and in your own head too) before taking the plunge!
32 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Giving Your Child A Phone
Here is an extensive list of questions you should ask yourself before deciding whether now is the right time to allow your child to own their own phone. You can think over these questions by yourself, with your partner, and with your child.
Does your child need their own phone? Why?
What does your child think they will use the phone for?
Who will pay for the phone itself? What are you (they) willing to spend?
What type of phone would you buy? A smartphone or a simpler one? Does it have to be from a big brand?
Would you buy a new phone? A second-hand one? Or an old one of yours?
Who will pay for the phone plan? What type of plan can you afford? Prepaid or a contract?
What will be the rules for phone use at home? When and where will your child be allowed to use the phone at home?
Are there rules about taking phones to, and using phones at, school?
Will there be a daily time limit for using the phone? How long?
Where will the phone be stored overnight?
Will you also have access to the phone?
How will you ensure the phone is secure and kid-safe? Who will set this up?
Will someone monitor which apps are downloaded?
Does internet usage be monitored?
Have you spoken to your child about social media and potential risks of sharing information and photos online?
What will your child do if they receive messages or photos that are inappropriate? Do they know who to speak to about this?
To whom will your child come when they need technical help with their phone?
What happens if the phone breaks or is damaged? Can you afford repairs or to replace it?
Do you feel your child is mature enough to understand all of this and care for a phone?
To Mobile Phone or Not Mobile Phone
That is, indeed, the question here. And only you can answer it! I wish you good luck in making your decision when you feel the time has come.
P.S. Yes, our daughter did receive her own phone for her birthday. To answer: yes, we have time limits; yes, Hubby set up LOADS of controls and security; no, it wasn’t a new one, it was a not-so-old one of mine. But she was SO happy to receive it. (I think her friends were too. I swear some of them squealed louder than she did when she unboxed it at her party!) And so far so good. No meltdowns about time limits 😉.
Have your kids got their own phones? How old were they when they received their first one? Have you got any suggestions for keeping it all under control? Or if your kids don’t have a phone, what questions will be important to you to ask before giving them one? Share with us in the comments section below!
So much great information. I’m so glad my kids were already working teens when cell phones became popular.
And I envy you for having been able to skip this step in your children’s development, LOL!!
This is a good common sense post. My kids were not allowed to have cell phones before they could pay for it themselves, and we never paid for a family plan. That said, my kids are older, and were among the first generation to even have cell phones. Parents now are really up against it trying to keep electronics under control. You are following your gut, and I think that’s always best.
Thanks for your thoughts! It’s amazing how fast technology moves: we had no mobiles as kids, and now look at what kids (and their parents) get to contend with. In the end, everyone has to follow their instincts and do their best as parents 🙂
I think k it’s a good thing that you have limits. It is very easy for kids to feel left out when their mates have what they don’t. If only there was a set time frame to own a phone, I don’t think kids would even bother till the set time.
Can you imagine having a legal age for phones? Like driving, smoking, alcohol and voting?!? That would be a challenge to have accepted as law!!!
I wish more parents would read this, I think we just keep handing the electronic babysitters out too early these days. I also wish there was a mid range way to do both.
I suspect a lot of parents hand over their phone (or tablet) in the guise of “education” by letting their kids play games and ever younger ages. Sadly, by then it seems “normal” just to give them their own phone.
Very useful post. I think this is a common challenge that parents around the are facing in this era. Though I still have some years to reach that stage, I am bookmarking your post for future reference. Thanks for sharing it.
Glad to have piqued your interest 🙂 The challenges we parents face these days are so different to even the ones our own parents had to deal with…
These tips are thought provoking… cell phones are such a double edged sword!
They really are!
As an wducatir5 who has seen and continues to see the obsession with phones, I beg parents to hold out. If it is needed due to layers practices etc, only use it when needed. Our children consistently run in issues with security and appropriateness on their phones.
So right! There are just SO MANY things to consider before giving your child the green light to have their own phone!
This is a great article with lots of questions to think about. Our son is beginning to ask about getting a mobile phone and my husband and I are discussing it. These are great questions to help us think this through!
Thanks, I’m glad some of these tips resonated with you! Good luck deciding on the right time for your son (and you!) to have his own phone.