Do you have sometimes have days when you feel overwhelmed by life? By your household? By your kids? C’mon, you can be honest here! Raise your hand!
**raises hand**
Of course everyone has tough days. Anyone who denies ever having a rough day (or week, or perhaps month) is kidding themselves and fooling no one. Life throws us lots of opportunities. And sometimes life just throws lemons. (yeah yeah, we’ve all heard it before, make lemonade, yada yada).
Anyway… when life at home with kids, or a partner, or a barnyard full of animals, seems gruelling, repetitive, thankless, boring, frustrating, uncontrollable- shall I stop now?!- it can all seem a little, well, too much.
What can you do? The #1 thing to remember: You are not alone!
You are not the only one facing this crisis, this mood, this shitty day. Say it to yourself: “I am not alone”. Say it again. Say it a thousand times if you need to. Because it is true and you should believe it. What are the chances that
there is not a single other human being on the planet who isn’t sick of housework? Isn’t sick of bickering children? Isn’t fed up with closing that damn cupboard door YET AGAIN?!?
I’ll tell you what the chances are: NONE. Nope, not a single chance that there is not another person feeling the way you do now. I dare you to tell me that out of the currently 7.7 BILLION people on this planet (Source: Wikipedia) not one of them understands what it’s like to have a rough day.
So What’s The Problem?
So why am I rambling on about this today? Let me backtrack a little…
I was wandering around my house, discovering untidiness and pockets of chaos in various rooms, sighing as I went. There may or may not have been some muttering, cursing and grumbling too 😉. Why did it feel like I am the only one bothered by the mess? Why did it feel like I am the only one who even notices it all, who sees the need to tidy it up?
I got to thinking, What if I were not around? I don’t mean like, dead. I just mean, what if I were not around in this house for a few days? Or even a few weeks? What state would the house be in for that time? And how would it look when I came back? How would Hubby, with the help / destructive super-powers of Miss 10, Miss 7 and Master 5 cope?
Would they all be smeared with dirt and have matted hair and eating dry Cheerios without milk for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day all the while forgetting what day of the week it even was? Would there be forgotten Cheerios lying all over the floor for our non-existent dog to come and lick up and all the lights on 24 hours a day and unfamiliar crockery in the sink because nobody washed up and they had to buy new bowls?!?
No, certainly not! You know, the whole “Earth keeps turning” phrase? About no matter what you do, the rest of the world keeps functioning? Well, it’s true. And it’s the same in a household. Maybe it wouldn’t function to MY level of satisfaction, but everyone would still be alive when I came back and happy to see me to boot!
So, what can you do to break up those tough days? On those days when you maybe feel like you are the only one responsible for a tidy house and maintaining the family calendar and keeping everyone alive? Until the kids become independent? Like, around the age of 45 or so. JUST KIDDING!
5 Tips to Help You Stay Sane
Here are some things that I try to help me stress less:
1. Encourage everyone to take more responsibility for themselves and their possessions.
This is with a view of the long-term. This tends to take a LOT of reminders and practice. And probably lots of groaning and eye-rolling. Hopefully it all pays out in the end! Like when the kids are grown adults who don’t presume they can bring home dirty washing every weekend to mum 😉.
2. Learn to say no!
What do I mean by this specifically? I mean, I try not to overburden myself with meeting everyone else’s demands and expectations. If the kids want to invite their friends over and increase the adult to kid ratio from 1:3 to 1:6 and it just seems like too much work, say: “Not today. We can organise it for another time”. Or if the kids want to go shopping in town to buy some stuff for a new craft project, say: “Great idea, but no, not today. But today we can plan what you need to buy and go shopping tomorrow”. Get what I’m saying? For many mums it is hard to say no, but we ARE allowed to.
3. Learn to say yes!
And by this I mean say yes to offers of help! Did your mother-in-law offer to cook a meal for you and the kids? Did your friend offer to have your daughter play at her house for the afternoon? Did Hubby ask whether he should buy you a bottle of your favourite wine?!? You are allowed to say “Yes!” too.
4. Take a break.
For some people, this could be something luxuriating like booking a massage or even a girls weekend away. For me, it is more likely to be going for a walk, sitting in the sunshine drinking a coffee, lying on the sofa reading the next chapter of a great book, meditating, working on a sewing project, or phoning a friend.
5. Forget it!
Stick to the bare minimum for everyone to get through the day. Remember what I said about the world still turning? It will keep spinning. Even if you ignore that mess on the floor. Even if you don’t get that 2nd load of washing done today. Even if you did just eat toasted sandwiches for dinner. The house and all it’s occupants will survive another day! And you will too 😉
Do I got to sleep every single night 100% happy with how I performed (survived?!?) that day? Heavens no! But I do try my best, each and every day with the responsibilities that are mine. Just like all of us do.
If nothing else, I hope that this post gave you a smile and you felt a bit better whilst nodding a little too enthusiastically in recognition at the sorts of frustrations that most mums face. And maybe it will make you feel less stressed about how you are doing in your own house.
How do you manage those days when you think you can’t deal with the household anymore? What ideas did I miss? Would love to have you share your wisdom here!